Dearest Phoebe,

Thank you for your kind words. I was glad to see how cultivated your response was. I was impressed to see what an exceptional vocabulary and writing style you have. I'm sure you did very well in some inconspicuous university somewhere, studying film. There are lots of those everywhere. We usually call them community colleges here, in the the United States.

All the best to you, too, in your future endeavors. I'm sure you'll make many fine films that we'll all love.

Maybe you should start with the "Taming Of The Shrew"! Ha! Ha! Or, if Shakespeare is not to your liking, perhaps you could put together some outstanding reruns of Buffy!

Thank you again for your kindnesses and your impressive writing.

Carl Conrad

Dearest Tony,

You must think I'm as big an idiot as the guy who takes hours to write up rebuttles that no one is going to read! Ha! Ha! Somebody must have poked you in your venom sack! Vitriol anyone?

I wouldn't drag myself through one of those lost, ill-conceived, spore-wrenching diatribes if you paid me! Anyone who can't say what they need to say in less than 500 words should be "gonged" off the stage!

Write me another novel of heartbreak and civility oh impressive one!

An admirer.

Dear Beth,

I think you're mixing your Squeaky Fromme's with your James Jones', but who's watching? In this tiny, obscure blogging closet, not much gets in or out.

You write for the benefit of each other, and pat each other on the back like brothers and sisters. You should try to make it in the real world somewhere. But then, you had such a struggle as a little misunderstood girl there are probably reasons for that.

Keep up the blogging. I'm sure Tony and Phoebe enjoy it. But, that's like saying that the Wicked Witch likes poison apples. We already know that. And we know about your eternally broken heart.

Life is tough, though. So keep spitting and clawing. That's the way to the TOP!

CC

I think you're mixing your Squeaky Fromme's with your James Jones'

Actually, no, I did not. The dual reference was intentional. Just for clarification:

Squeaky Fromme was a prominent member of the Manson Family, and one of the few well-known cult members who is neither in jail nor dead—-which is why I used her as a reference. Fromme was released last year after serving 34 years for a failed assassination attempt against President Ford. The members of the Manson Family who were involved in the infamous Tate/LaBianca murders, on the other hand, are all still in prison. Well, actually, that’s not quite true: Susan Atkins died of cancer recently. But I digress.

Now, if I was going for accuracy on the reference to the Jonestown massacre, I would have said, “Would somebody please pass the Flavor Aid?” Flavor Aid is a similar non-carbonated soft drink, but it’s manufactured by a different company and marketed under a different name. Contrary to popular lore, Flavor Aid was the beverage used in the Jonestown suicides, not Kool-Aid. Specifically, it was grape Flavor Aid--although, never having experienced cyanide poisoning myself, I don’t know whether grape flavoring would be better in such a situation than, say, strawberry.

Despite this oft-overlooked technicality, as a result of the Jonestown massacre, the phrase “drinking the Kool-Aid” entered the popular lexicon. The expression is generally used to describe someone who yields to authority or conforms to rules without question or critique--a follower. In other words, someone who doesn’t “fight the man” is “drinking the Kool-Aid.” Cult members could be described as “drinking the Kool-Aid” of their leader or leaders. Hence the joke.

Now, if you need me to explain or clarify further, I would be happy to oblige.

On another note: Just so you know, in message board etiquette, it’s considered impolite for one person to post multiple times in succession. Instead, you should channel all your vitriol into one hate-filled post at a time, which will help de-clutter our message boards and allow everyone to read your bombastic rants more easily and efficiently. Just think of all the electrons you’ll be saving in the process! It’s our small way of keeping the internet "green" for everyone.

Thank you for your cooperation.