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Written by Rob Van Winkle, CC2K Staff Writer
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 My first great idea! If only some other jackoff hadn't come up with it first... There is an adage often bandied about by those people who work in the entertainment industry that there are no new ideas, and the best a “creative” person can hope for is an angle that will offer an illusion of freshness. When I first started working in television, I scoffed at this notion; surely I am an exception to that rule, and would set the world on fire with my new ideas! I was then asked to develop ideas for a new cooking show. I brainstormed with (read: stole the ideas of) my friend (and co-CC2K writer) Lance Carmichael, and together we came up with, in all modesty, a TERRIFIC idea. Our concept was called Dinner Date, and it was a cooking/dating show. In each episode, there would be two “contestants” trying to win the affections of an attractive single person. The catch was that these people would never meet. Instead, each contestant would get to learn something of their intended target, and then (with the help of a renowned chef) prepare a meal that they hope will suit their palate and personality. At the end, the single person would sample both meals, and ultimately pick who they want to date using the food as their sole criterion. The new couple, as a prize, would win dinner for two at the restaurant of the winning team’s chef.
I was STOKED about this idea, and I might have even gone so far as to think up what to do with the bonus money I was sure to receive, when I learned the single most valuable lesson of television development: when you come up with an idea, the first thing to do is channel surf, to see what else is out there. In our case, there was Date Plate, a cooking show on The Food Network that was EXACTLY THE SAME AS OURS IN EVERY WAY! You know what they say: there are no new ideas.
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Written by Rob Van Winkle, CC2K Staff Writer
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I am the first person to admit that there is something magical about attending an opening weekend showing of a blockbuster movie. Theater packed to the gills, everyone abuzz with anticipation, the thrill of seeing something that everyone is going to see, before most people…it’s an amazing experience, mostly because you are in the middle of something bigger than yourself, an “I was there!” moment in the making. And yet…there’s something fake about the experience at the same time. No matter how excited you are about the film you’re seeing, a part of you is aware that this excitement is the result of a massive multi-million dollar marketing campaign that burrowed its way into your consciousness. No matter how visionary the film may be, deep down you know that it was “vetted” by countless executives and screened by countless focus groups, all with the intention of making it as commercially viable as possible. In other words, no matter how thrilling that opening night might be, your being there is more a product of a successful business plan than artistic vision. |
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Written by Rob Van Winkle, CC2K Staff Writer
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 Does a Red Menace lurk behind his blue face? As an extended dramatic exercise for a theater camp I attended as a teenager (I know, I know: I’m a geek. Just remember what website this is, okay?), we were instructed to allow a single deep thought to enter into our heads, and to let it expand as we saw fit. The idea was that this single germ of an idea, and what it grew into, would serve as the basis for our big final performance. Now, given that the class consisted of angst-filled, “artistic” teenagers, you can imagine the kinds of thoughts that were getting created and expressed that day. They were all EXACTLY as eye-roll-inducing as you’d imagine…except for one.
For some reason, the thought that popped into my head, and that I could not remove, was this: “Do Smurfs taste like chicken?” Apparently, after watching scores of episodes of The Smurfs where various villains attempted to capture and devour the little guys, and knowing so many “exotic” meats are described as tasting just like chicken…I had always wondered if there was a correlation between those two facts. Is it any wonder I couldn’t get dates in high school?
That single thought, as per the assignment, spawned an entire thesis on The Smurfs, which has evolved over time. That summer, I merely wondered allowed how one Smurf could call himself “Vanity” while looking and dressing exactly like the others, and how all the Smurfs so clearly lusted after Smurfette, despite the fact that there are no natural female Smurfs (Both Smurfette and that annoying red-headed chick from later seasons were creations of Gargamel. It’s true; look it up!) That would be akin to slapping a dress and some rouge on an amoeba, and checking to see if it becomes more popular amongst its peers. However, as time went by, these cute little musings gave way to one single, horrifying truth: the Smurfs were COMMUNISTS!
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Written by Rob Van Winkle, CC2K Staff Writer
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 A Million Cars...and all of them ASSHOLES!! Soon after I learned to drive, I stumbled upon a fascinating though unwritten rule of the road: while drivers are people just like everyone else, CARS are assholes. While on the road, we watch the cars around us do horrible things, and their actions enrage us. But if you ever drive up next to the car that just infuriated you and look into the window, the odds are frankly excellent that what you’ll see…is a person just like you. This piece of information is most valuable to me when I’m trying to enter into a line of traffic, such as at the exit to a crowded parking lot. As long as I sit there with my blinker on and do nothing, no one will EVER let me through; I’m just another asshole car trying to cut into line. However, the MINUTE that I make eye contact with the DRIVER of a car, they will ALWAYS let me in; I’m now a fellow motorist trying to get home. In other words, while familiarity might breed contempt, it’s anonymity that really brings out the worst in people. |
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Written by Rob Van Winkle, CC2K Staff Writer
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 It's Colorful...It's Animated...but IS IT FOR KIDS? Is everyone enjoying their summer? Well not to add any pressure to do so, but it’s entirely possible that this current season might be the most “important” of our entire lifetimes (and almost certainly so far) in terms of popular culture. This month alone, the single biggest literary and cinematic event our generation has ever known (and maybe ever will again) has released its final installment on paper, as well as its pen-pen-ultimate chapter on film, and a prime-time animated family sitcom that every single one of us has known for nearly TWO DECADES has finally seen its debut on the big screen. Like it or not, its events like these that help us older (read: over 23) folk define the timeline of our lives. If you are young enough for this to be the first real phenomenon you’ve ever lived through, congratulations! You now officially have something notched on your belt that even YOUNGER people (and they’re coming, believe me) will use to brand YOU as old. (Much like *I* do when people just a few years older than me discuss seeing Star Wars in the theaters when it first came out, or when other writers for this site do to me when I discuss seeing The Last Crusade, or Terminator 2.) This is not just a summer; like it or not, it’s a defining moment in all our lives, whether we want it to be or not. |
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